Stupid, Fat Hobbit

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A Simple Trick to Fix Pippen the Devs Don't Want You to Know 9 0 5 1.0
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Discard Pile

Some Sort 3019

This is a different version of my "Spirit Rosie" deck. That Spirit Pippin card in your sideboard is actually one of your three heroes. He's in the sideboard because RingsDB won't let me publish a deck that uses multiple heroes with the same name, but in my game, they don't have the same name because I crossed out Spirit Pippin's name and wrote "Rosie" in sharpie, so it's totally fine.

Why would I do something crazy like that? My other deck description lays it out. In fact, just go play the other version of this deck. It's a much better deck. This version has no real compelling reason to exist. I'm being completely serious.

The only reason I made this modified decklist is to take advantage of the newly-released Elevenses and try to set up the greatest Quest Jank Combo ever. It's dumb and completely pointless, and I want to do it. Don't play this deck. Don't be like me. I'm dumb and completely pointless.

But if you're curious what the Super-Amazing Quest Jank is... put two Fast Hitches, a Steed of Imladris, a Hobbit Pony, and a Hobbit Pipe on Spirit Merry. Get a Don't Be Hasty!, Elevenses, and Elven-light in hand. Yeah, that's a lot of cards. It's a stupid combo.

During the quest phase, commit Merry to the quest. Discard your Elven-light to the Steed of Imladris to put two progress on the active location. Then, in the action window before staging, use Fast Hitch to ready him and pay a resource to pull the Elven-light back to your hand. Trigger Merry's ability on the first revealed enemy. So far so good.

Now, normally you can only use his ability once per round, since there are no action windows between revealing cards during staging for you to ready him again. But there is one exception-- since Don't Be Hasty is a response, you can play it when cards are being revealed to ready Merry. And then you can trigger his ability a second time.

After you get your extra trigger of his ability, Merry is exhausted and de-committed from the quest. So in the action window after staging, use your second Fast Hitch to ready him again, and use his Hobbit Pony to re-commit him to the quest. This lets you trigger your Steed of Imladris a second time, and it turns out you have an Elven-light in your hand again, so go ahead and discard it again. That's two more progress on the active location.

Pay a resource to bring back the Elven-light again. Then decide that maybe you don't want to commit him to the quest after all, play an Elevenses to ready him and pull him back again, reducing your threat by one and drawing another card with your Hobbit Pipe.

Then decide that maybe you really, really did want him committed to the quest. Play a Late Adventurer, re-discard your Elven-light to the Steed of Imladris, and put yet another two points of progress on the active location.

Got all that? You just spent three Spirit resources, drew three cards, (twice from Elven-light and once from Hobbit Pipe), reduced your threat three times (twice from Merry and once from Elevenses), placed six progress on the active location, readied Merry four times, exhausted him five times, committed him to the quest three times, decommitted him twice, and basically made everyone at the entire table wonder if any of this really had a point. (No, it did not.)

All during the span of a single quest phase. Take that, combat phase!

If you really wanted to get silly, (and honestly, we've come this far, haven't we?), you can realize that there's nothing at all that stops you from playing Elevenses multiple times a round other than the fact that you typically can't recommit a character to the quest once you've decommitted them. And there's nothing to stop you from playing multiple Late Adventurers other than the fact that's it's difficult to re-decommit someone from the quest after you've already re-recommitted them.

But, like, if you wanted to you could add two more Elevenses and two more Late Adventurers to the end of that sequence, (along with two more Steed of Imladris discards and two more Elven-light draws, provided you have the resources). Or you could skip that last Late Adventurer and instead of taking advantage of his two Willpower, you can keep Merry ready and waiting to chump block whatever ticked-off enemies are coming down the pike because once you've used up all of your Don't be Hasties and Elevenses and Late Adventurers this deck no longer has a raison d'ĂȘtre and he's just too stupid and indecisive to live.

I guess the really big question left to answer is "Why?" What possible reason could we have to do all this? Well, I'M doing it because I'm dumb and completely pointless like I told you and I can't know that it's possible and not do it. And you're doing it because you're a damn fool who didn't have the good sense to listen to sound advice way up at the top when I told you in no uncertain terms to never play this deck. So let's rethink that super-judgy tone, Mr./Ms. Judgy McJudgerton.